Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Value of Vulnerability, Reprised

I have been making a conscious effort in my day to day life and with my clients to be more vulnerable. It has been working out for me. I am attracting the types of people into my life that I want to attract into it.

Example the first: I was having dinner with a group of folks from my yoga teacher training. The dinner was going as they tend to do. There was much talking and carrying on. A good time was being had by all. People were finishing up their meals, plates were being cleared. The conversation veered toward eating habits. Specifically my eating habits (for those who don't know, I eat Paleo style). The question arose as to why I decided to make this choice. My first instinct, as it has been for a while, was to look down at my hands and sort of curl into a ball and hide because I was (and maybe still am) ashamed of the fact that the reason I choose to eat Paleo is because I want eight-pack abs. I did, however, express that I was doing it for the eight-pack. One of the more perceptive ladies in the group immediately called me on my shame (thanks, by the way). She made me laugh because she just said, "Oh, look how ashamed he is of that." And I couldn't argue so I just agreed. And laughed at myself for being vain and shallow.

Example the second: I was at my new clients' house for the first time. One of them asked me what started me on my journey towards wellness. Again, my first reaction was to curl into a little ball. Then I heard my teacher's (you know who you are) voice in my head saying, "Be more vulnerable." And so I told the story about how I was really overweight, had heartburn everyday, was drinking....a lot, and I had gotten to a point where I vomited blood. Twice. So I started learning and teaching myself about what was good to eat and what wasn't. I started to practice yoga. I went to Toronto and took my Holistic Lifestyle Coaching class with a world class teacher who I am now proud to count on my list of friends. I told them about how I started feeling my body and getting in touch with myself. I talked about how, for the first time in my adult life, I knew I was walking down a path that suited me. I told them about my yoga teacher training and how transformational that was and continues to be. Through all of this I was finding my own power in my own vulnerability.

Example the third: I asked a woman out today (granted, it was via facebook, so please, go ahead and judge me as harshly as I am judging myself for being too cowardly to do it in person). She said "no". I knew she would before I asked. I did it anyway. I don't know what her reasoning behind that rejection is. It could be because we have a teacher (her)/student (me) relationship. It could be that she doesn't find me attractive. It is probably much more complicated than that simplistic coin flip. But whatever the reasoning behind it, I am very comfortable in my own ignorance of it. Looking deeper into this, I think that I acted for myself in this situation. I didn't act out of some macho desire to conquer. I didn't act out of some insecure need for validation from an astonishing human, being. I acted out of a genuine desire to get to know her better. I acted out of desire to connect with another person on a deeper, much more vulnerable level. I am actually really proud of myself right now. And I would like to express my gratitude to her (you also know who you are, different from the above if you don't know who she is) for allowing me the space to ask an honest, vulnerable, heart-felt question and for giving me a clear-cut response. So thank you!

And thank you to all of you that read this!

Peace and Love,

1 comment:

  1. Be the river, not the rock. Persistence is the power of the river, and with time it'll overtake any obstacle. Emotional growth is all about persistence.